Irrfan Khan (1967-2020)
My father asked yesterday morning about Irrfan Khan. He asked who he is (Irrfan was still alive then) and what is he suffering from? My father is not a movie watcher. The last movie I remember watching with him is Zanjeer before my Maths pre-board exam in the year 2000 on TV. My brother told my father what the legendary film actor was suffering from and then Papa said I hope he gets well soon. My father watches TV and only News. So we were surprised how he knew about Irrfan Khan. It is in my father’s nature that as soon as any Bollywood related news comes, he switches to other myriad of news channels and successfully numbs himself from anything Bollywood. Then around noon my sister said Irrfan died. We googled to check if it was a fake story. We don’t like the TV nor believe in News channel and their reporting, so none of us bothered to switch it on and it is then when Papa called to say Irrfan died. He was sad. My father, who had no clue about who Irrfan Khan was, could feel that one of his own died. He said his mother died 3 days ago but he could not go because of the lockdown and now he is dead too. We could feel our father’s pain but this is the thing with lockdown, if you want to sit with your loved one to support them and calm them down, you cannot. Because phone is an inefficient mean.
My earliest memory of him is from the song ‘Maine Dil Se Kaha’ from the movie Rog. A friend sent it yesterday after we got to know of Irrfan’s death and it opened a floodgate of emotions associated with this song. It was the time of infatuations and puppy love, the first heartbreak and this beautiful song with Irrfan Khan driving a police gypsy in that rugged jacket and that face with those deep hooded eyes, was the perfect portrayal of heartbreak. Over the years he became a household name. I remember watching his movie ‘The Namesake’ in a mall in Dandenong in Melbourne. Those were the days when we could see a Bollywood movie one in two months in largely Indian suburbs at a discounted price because of our Uni ID. There was some other movie running also but I chose ‘The Namesake’ partly because I had read the book recently but largely because of Irrfan Khan. People may have very different parts of the movie carried away with them but I only remember the bit about travelling. Where he says you can travel anywhere by reading a book but then Ghosh convinces him otherwise and he applies to the US for fellowship.
I have not travelled much since a long time. I find it painful and exhausting to travel. I hate the idea of packing stuff up, standing in queue for security at the airport and then fly to your destination and then feel really sad when you have to return back to Delhi. But, once I am back here I am relieved. This tendency of finding solace in Delhi has made me hate travelling. While I was young, I doubt I would, as much as stay in Delhi. All our college life, we would travel back to Lucknow every Friday and be back every Monday. Never felt anything. I remember writing my assignments in Shatabdi.
Every now and then when I remember that scene from The Namesake, now more than ever, I will be reminded of Irrfan Khan. Life is short. And no one has a clue of their coming or going. Why did it feel like a personal loss when we heard about Irrfan Khan’s death? I really dont know the answer to it but I feel it was because of his honesty. It was because we could relate to him. We could see him struggle just like everyone of us, coming from small town, making it to the big city. And his work was not just recognized in India but globally. I was watching Tokyo Trials and the way he has portrayed RadhaBinod Pal, the Indian Jurist, amazed me. From not just his dialogues, but the way he moved, he could portray the anguish of a Jurist who would later give a dissenting judgment. What a brilliant performance!
When he was diagnosed with that rare form of cancer, I felt, just like everyone else that this was his time to shine on. How could God be so cruel as to put him, HIM, the brilliant actor, in that position. He was playing his best game, global recognition. His success globally meant success for each and everyone of us. It was so relatable. We have grown unto believe that our actors are infallible and that nothing touches them. When Tom Hanks was tested Positive, we knew he would survive. It is like, as if, they are God’s chosen ones and therefore, no harm can fall upon them.
His acting was so honest. Sometimes, actually most of the times, when you watch a movie, you see these young actors/actresses, as a result of nepotism, doing pathetic acting and you feel like you have been betrayed. But, not Irrfan Khan. His acting was honest. You knew he wont betray you if you watch his movie. I watched Angrezi Medium and I was shocked. His depiction of the father-daughter duo was beautiful but he did look a little weak. When the trailers came, we were relieved to see that Irrfan was back to acting but he did look a little unwell. Yet, we were all happy that he is here and he is here to stay. That all that he worked so hard, all those decades, is going to come back to him and he will enjoy the fruits of his hardwork, now that he has fought cancer and beat it. But little did we know, that his sudden demise will only leave us to question our existence and the expiry date of it.
The lockdown has definitely brought to fore that there is no way you can know what future holds for you. So no amount of babas and jyotishs can tell your future just by knowing your date and time of birth and looking at the astrological placements of planets. Its bullshit. And no you will never know when and how you will go. You can only live this day and that’s all that you will ever have. These rat races, materialism and all the other isms will stay back on this planet and you will leave back only your name. But how many people will actually mourn when you are gone, across religion, across ages, across countries, across humanity. The lockdown allows upto 20 people to participate in funeral procession in Delhi. Who will those 20 be, have you thought about that?
Au Revoir Irrfan! In your death you taught us a lesson. Life is short so live it while you still can.
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